Sunday, 10 August 2008

• I Give Up (A Rant)

  it's one of those things.  i am the kind of person that, for better or for worse, is willing to give someone a second chance.  if i'm not feeling them at first sight or on that first date, i want to at least give them a chance to redeem themselves.  unfortunately, i don't think most guys operate that way.  if i try to be my best self, it's not good enough.  if i'm just being my "normal" self, it's definitely not good enough.  and of course, those who i know i am definitely not compatible with (for clear, good, substantive reason - read: not shallow and superficial) apparently seem to believe it will work and i'm the greatest thing since sliced bread (which i know i'm not)...why i don't know.  i can't win for losing.  i give up.
  
  
  
  i'm starting to think i should be just as viciously cutthroat towards men as men are to me.  why should i give them a chance when no one is interested in giving me one?  it's a waste of good will.
  
  i hate dating with a passion.  there are very few things i truly hate; dating is one of them.  maybe that's why most of the men i've fallen for are men i actually knew rather than someone i happened to see one day and thought was cute.  dating feels like a job interview for which there is no script, no idea what the "qualifications" are.  the qualifications aren't standard, they are as random as chances of rolling snake eyes on a 20-sided die.
  
  if there was a way in which i could just sidestep dating, just jump from not dating to relationship, that'll be awesome .  if only a great man around my age, a believer with character, who is also confident, ambitious and driven, had some intelligence (both book smart and street smart), and a sense of humor, who also thought i was too good to pass up, just fell out of the sky one day and landed on one knee, that would be perfect!  unfortunately, it rarely happens that way. 
  
  Wake in a sweat again
  Another day’s been laid to waste
  In my disgrace
  Stuck in my head again
  Feels like I’ll never leave this place
  There’s no escape

  I’m my own worst enemy

  I’ve given up…
  I’m sick of feeling
  Is there nothing you can say?
  Take this all away
  I’m suffocating!
  Tell me what the f**k is wrong with me!

  I don’t know what to take
  Thought I was focused but I’m scared
  I’m not prepared
  I hyperventilate
  Looking for help somehow somewhere
  And no one cares

  I’m my own worst enemy

  I’ve given up…
  I’m sick of feeling
  Is there nothing you can say?
  Take this all away
  I’m suffocating!
  Tell me what the f**k is wrong
  with me!

  GOD!

  Put me out of my misery
  Put me out of my misery
  Put me out of my…
  Put me out of my f**king misery!

  I’ve given up
  I’m sick of feeling
  Is there nothing you can say?
  Take this all away
  I’m suffocating!
  Tell me what the f**k is
  Wrong with me!

  - linkin park "given up"

  Currently Listening Minutes to Midnight By Linkin Park "Given Up" see related

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